Why I May Never Get Married

Last year, while visiting my sister and her family in Colorado, my then three year old niece broke a glorious moment of silence at dinner with six dreadful words: “Aunt Szeli, where is your husband?” I told her I didn’t have one, but she was not satisfied. She demanded to know why I didn’t have […]

When she was a girl, they called my mom Dynamite.

My mother marches to the beat of her own, private drum. Often, the beat is off and those around her can’t understand exactly what she’s doing, but that seems irrelevant to her — I think my mom might say that being happy is more important than being understood. Most of what I’ve learned from my […]

Doubting Love

Love is not a state, a feeling, a disposition, but an exchange, uneven, fraught with history, with ghosts, with longings that are more or less legible to those who try to see one another with their own faulty vision. — Judith Butler, Doubting Love Much like reading Judith Butler, doubting love can be dangerous. It […]


I was born to two people in mourning. One for the loss of a mother, the other the loss of a great friend. They split up when I was no more than three years old, each taking their grief elsewhere, neither one of them being done with it — only with each other. I’ll never […]

Coming Clean

Work has prevented me from giving appropriate energy to this blog. I have two jobs. I love them both, and I work way too much. Lately my workload feels overwhelming. I’ve had trouble keeping up with other parts of my life, including giving minimal energy to things like eating real food and sleeping more than […]